Evoked by a shadow, leaping from my head and beyond...
Darkest days, I reminisce and revisit some old pain, younger years leading up to now.
Changed, grown, becoming, evolving, but the dark I remember is now pierced.
It brings a slight smile and a slow tear fills my eye.
Like an old friend who comes calling, unannounced, bearing nothing but a handshake.
A brother’s hug, few words in passing, then that certain nod that only we brothers can understand…
That nod that says, “I must be going. I love you. I’ll miss you. Be strong and never forget what we have. Brothers are forever.”
An untainted, gentle hand pulled me from the deepest pit.
As I gazed up in anger, wracked with pain, sick with rage,my tongue coiled, drawn back, and striking.
Spitting poison without remorse, without discrimination.
Regardless of their love for me or their hate for me or their indifference.
My Savior cared enough about me, a solitary sinner, lost, sick, and broken.
Yet, Christ knew I needed Him.
Every day I thank my Precious Lord for everyone & everything He has given me.
There’s also a question of why…and I pray He forgives me for even asking.
What have I done to deserve all the blessings, all the gifts He gives me…?
It’s not my place to question His plans for me, just to have faith in Him.
I have walked, stumbling upon the jagged rocks of my hatred.
I have crawled, bloodied knees upon my blasphemous shattered dreams, desperately scrambling to pull the pieces back as they spread beyond my reach, knowing deep within my heart, within my spirit, my being that everything was wrong with my life except my ever-present protector and those He surrounded me with.
Still, and forever, His untainted, gentle hand pulls me up.
I feel His loving arms around me through those who love me, who believe in me unconditionally, especially when I don’t love me, and I don’t believe in me and I don’t love myself unconditionally.
I can and I will.
My love for Jesus Christ my Redeemer, my Protector is eternal.
